I Am No Longer A Fan of Ned Devines in Herndon VA

I like to wear hats. I dunno why, but I do. Could have something to do with my incredible powers at both laziness and procrastination, but putting on a hat is far easier than trying to get my hair to anything other than grow. For this reason, I own 8 fedoras, 2 scally caps, and 2 beanies. This will come into play a little later.

Anywho, I went to meet my brother last night for a booze filled good time at Ned Devines in Herndon Virginia. I had been there before and had become a fan. It was a quality place with good service, great food, awesome selection of boozy treats, and even a dance floor and stage area (possibly for live executions). However, this time I was not as fortuitous. Upon arrival, no one was at the greeter station to smile in my general direction. I found my brother and friends on the patio outside, and was not greeted by a waiter for… long enough to be logically aggravated. Also, everyone let me know they were equally aggravated and waiting for the drink carrier to arrive and go get us refreshments. At some point she arrived and took our orders, then returned in the same fashion as a ghost; I was pretty sure my White Russian had just magically appeared on the table.

After a few drinks, twas time to make a deposit so I made my way to the restroom. On the way, a security guy said in my general direction, “hey, no hats allowed here.” As I was pretty sure I was in a bar in America, and not elementary school, I didnt think much of it. I got back to the table, had more drinks, and it was time to go back inside for deposit #2. This time, I was cornered (CORNERED I say!!) by 3 relatively beefy dudes in black shirts with SECURITY printed in white on the front and back. Tweedledum, tweedledee, and other asshole told me that “you’ve been told once before, hats are not allowed here, remove it.” Needless to say, I was very confused. To my request for why, “that’s the rule” was the only answer they could put together. I thought/said aloud, “hm, what a foolish rule… have a good night” and proceeded to continue wearing my fedora until I left for the night.

I vaguely remember someone saying it was a rule specific for Thursday nights, but who cares. It’s a hat, what’s the problem? In response to this foolishery, I would like to get a group of people together wearing hats (no ball caps) of all kinds – I will purchase a green Fez with tassle for this event – and go to Ned Devines. If asked to remove the hats, we shall say they are on for religious reasons. If asked what religion, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. If questioned about the FSM, we shall glorify the good deeds of His noodly appendages. Seriously tho, if interested contact me at: hatsradio@gmail.com

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